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INTERNALIZED FAMILIAL SHAME: born this way, and misdiagnosed by the age of 20.
Thursday, December 27, 2001, Age 20 Well, today I started using Paxil, an anti-depressant that hopefully will help me out a little bit in all sorts of ways. I’m kind of excited. I really do hope it helps because I think that is exactly what I need. My father is in an uproar right now…
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RAPIDLY CYCLING BIPOLAR MOODS: I won’t be correctly diagnosed for another 6 years.
NOTE: I was mis-medicated under a social worker’s prior, incorrect diagnosis, which caused ongoing, medically-induced mania (a severe medical condition). Tuesday, November 13, 2001, Age 20 I don’t understand how there can be times when you can feel so great about everything and you just feel like you can conquer the world, and then there…
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STRENGTH: or, weakness?
Saturday, November 3, 2001, Age 20 So, I wrote him an email. I hate when I start thinking about him, cause then I always end up thinking about him more and more and, of course, I only remember the good shit and find his bad traits endearing (for god’s sake I have no idea why?!)…
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LOST LOVE: can’t go back to where I started from.
Friday, November 2, 2001, Age 20 Well, it’s a little lonely here tonight. It’s Friday and none of my friends are anywhere to be found, which sucks, but is okay because I have a ton of work to get done. Shit here has been getting pretty annoying. I am really ready for Thanksgiving. I mean,…
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WORLD WAR III: that’s what it felt like, w/a hint of depression.
Wednesday, September 26, 2001, Age 20 Sometimes I don’t understand how this world just keeps on turning. There are so many people living right now without their mothers or fathers, brothers and sisters, sons and daughters, husbands, wives, lovers, fiancés, best friends, etc. I don’t understand how the world just keeps on turning. Everything just…