Thursday, December 27, 2001, Age 20

Well, today I started using Paxil, an anti-depressant that hopefully will help me out a little bit in all sorts of ways.  I’m kind of excited.  I really do hope it helps because I think that is exactly what I need.

My father is in an uproar right now because mom and I went shopping the day after Christmas.  I don’t care though because my mom thought it was a good idea, I got a great suit for more than half off, and I get to see my JenJen tomorrow!!  I can hardly wait!

I also heard from Stacey today.  She called and we talked for awhile and she wished me well for my trip tomorrow.  And she wasn’t even mad at all that I wasn’t going to be able to go to Virginia with her this January.  I really don’t know why I worry so much.  Oh and she also said she saw Magoon and some of that crowd out at the bars in North Canton.  Ugh!  I’m having very hateful Dave thoughts again today!  I really hate that motherfucker!  I hope I never speak to or see him again. I hope to never hear about him again either after Stacey moves!  Oh god help me!

My father told me today that this thing, this depression is not something I need to be talking to other people about.  He can just be so strange sometimes.  I wonder if he is ashamed because he ‘gave’ it to me and he thinks I will tell people and they will think he is a bad father for it…or if he is ashamed of it and thinks I should be too, or what.  But I don’t think it’s really something to be ashamed of you know.  I mean, if you are born with it and can’t help it then you just can’t help it!  And it’s not like I tell everyone.  I have just told Jen and mentioned it to Bella.  Ugh!  He’s so frustrating sometimes.