Sunday, July 2, 2000, Age 19

Okay, so so much has happened since I last wrote in a journal (which was like five years ago) that I don’t even know where to begin.  But anyways, isn’t this journal so cute?  I had to buy it from Borders cause I love the saying in the front (when one door of happiness closes, another one opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us…Helen Keller).  And the little ribbon place keeper, very high tech you know!?!

Okay so vacation to NJ to visit Daniella & to CT & NYC to visit Jes w/JenJen was awesome!  I so want to live in NYC when I graduate from Denison.  My dad laughed at me when I told him that but we’ll see who has the last laugh…mark my words!  Ohhh…I got my tongue re-pierced in the city & Barb just about shit a brick b/c she thought I was through that stage!  Hah, apparently not, eh?!

Yeah yeah so the fam is driving me crazy.   We are all moved to Minnesota now and I’m finding it to be kind of lonely, which is rather funny because when I was in North Canton for the beginning of the summer with all my old friends from high school it took me about forever to call them up.  But I guess it’s just the idea that I have no one to talk to besides my ma, dad, and bro, or to go out with anyways, that makes things seem lonely.  Hah and also the fact that I could just drive down the street and back and I’d prolly still get lost.

But anyways, guess who I saw a picture of and started thinking about again…hah that’s right my David.  That fucker drives me crazy the way he’s so no good for me but how I could take one goddamn look into his beautiful blue eyes and then do whatever he wanted.  I swear what a dumbass I was with him sometimes.  I wonder if he was my first love, obviously he was out of the other choices (i.e. Brad and AJ the fucking nymphomaniacs!).  But I dunno, I’d prefer to say not so I could save the meaning of first love for something better, but I did love the clown no matter how clueless he was with me and “us” and whatnot.  But enough on that because I think I’m not making much sense.  

I wrote a letter to Rob and Beth and Andy and I am almost afraid they’ll get it and just be like, what a fucking dumbass she (me) is.  I don’t know why I care, it just bugs me.  I was looking thru my shoebox shit before we moved from Ohio to Minnesota and I noticed that Rob and Beth used to write love on their cards they sent to me and now they don’t anymore.  What the fuck is up with that?  They’re really cool and I love ‘em and all but it really really pisses me off when they, especially Rob, don’t write or say I love you to me.  What a dick.  Okay, moving on…

I really miss my JenJen and Bella and Jes and Charity and everyone from school.  I can’t fucking wait to get back to Denison!  This year is going to kick ass and I am going to be absolutely crazy and out of control!  But…I also want to do really good with my grades n’shit so, as my Aunt Jean once told me, as long as I work hard, I can play as hard as I want!  Hah that’s right baby!  Okay but enough for now cause my hand hurts & I’m tired of thinking.